Dom Stroud pesters the office with a poll on the best Christmas chocs…

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s Christmas! No, I wouldn’t have known either, but one of the big clues is in the slew of jumbo chocolate tins arriving in supermarkets, all piled up in precarious pyramids and silently posing the question: ‘how many this time?’

The four main players: Roses, Quality Street, Celebrations and Miniature Heroes. These all comprise a variety of subtly differing treats to help you put on your extra Christmas weight, but which one to pick? This is where the official Fed Up & Drunk office poll comes into play, helping you decide once and for all what the champion Christmas collection is. Hold onto your hats as we selflessly devour a few kilograms of chocolates…

4 – Miniature Heroes

There was little love here for Cadbury’s Miniature Heroes – one of the newer Christmas tins on the scene. Just one solitary soul opted for this as their festive favourite. I can’t even remember who it was that voted for this. Perhaps they’ve since been fired.

Created as a response to Celebrations by Mars, the Heroes fall down most notably on their limited six-choice selection. The inclusion of the Creme Egg is odd since this is an obvious Easter staple, and one wonders if Cadbury chiefs have got their dates a little mixed up. And where has the Crunchie gone? It’s way better than these tiny Creme Egg things that don’t have enough goo. Hoisted by your own petard, Cadbury.

3 – Roses

This may come as a surprise, but even good-old Roses only managed to garner a single vote, despite being an established Christmastime choice. Personally, I do enjoy the flavoured cremes (this seems a dividing issue) and the Brazilian Darkness – if only so I can proclaim to the room that I’ve just had a Brazilian (oh, what japes). However, my preference remains with Quality Street’s somehow-less-sickly versions. As my other half is particularly keen on the Strawberry Dream, though, I’m usually knee-deep in Roses until the New Year, regardless. Not that I’m complaining, mind…

2 – Celebrations

One year I received a Celebrations advent calendar, and I could always tell I was going to have a bad day if I got a Bounty behind that day’s door. I just don’t understand how you can derive pleasure from one. To that end, when you buy a Celebrations tin, you’ve got around 12.5% of rubbish coconut. That didn’t put off 29% of the Fed Up & Drunk clan picking this as their favourite. I must admit that I’m particularly fond of the Galaxy Truffle, but, hang on a minute, where is it? What’s this Twix doing here? It got replaced by a Twix!?

This will never reach the top spot under my watch.

1 – Quality Street

Thanks to 57% of the office, Nestlé’s Quality Street storms into the lead with a lovely twelve chocolates to choose from and scoff. It seems the variety is key to its success, as the team here were eager to point out. Instead of chocolate after chocolate, the toffees and suchlike offer a welcome break. Quality Street is popular enough by itself to produce its own standalone chocolates too, with the Big Purple One, Big Caramel Swirl and Big Green Triangle proudly perched on shelves next to the other big boy chocolate bars. I’d love a Big Strawberry Delight personally, but I get the feeling Nestlé customer service are getting tired of my letters.

It’s clear to see that this is the tin to pass around with relatives after Christmas dinner – its only weak point being that it houses a coconut devil. Unlike Celebrations, though, there’s plenty of other treats here to keep everyone’s tastebuds happy.

Dominic Stroud

Dom is an ex-Fed Up & Drunker who has now been released into the wild.

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